Don’t Forget To Take Your Riddle In

Dear Old Phart,

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?


Dear Chuck,

You realize your question is hypothetical, which means I can give any answer I want and you can’t prove me wrong. Why is your question hypothetical? Because the word “chuck” means “to throw” and a woodchuck can’t chuck  (throw) a piece of wood. Why can’t they chuck wood? Because their arms are too short.

Have you ever seen a woodchuck’s arms? They are these teeny tiny pathetic little things that are only long enough for the woodchuck to pick its nose. An inch shorter and it couldn’t reach its nose. An inch longer and it couldn’t pull its arm back far enough to get to its nose because woodchuck’s don’t have elbows. A woodchuck’s arm is the perfect length for nose picking.  And who says there’s no God?

So to answer your question about the woodchuck, we must ask another question. Why would a woodchuck want to chuck a piece of wood if indeed a woodchuck could chuck wood, Chuck? The answer: The woodchuck wouldn’t want to chuck a piece of wood.  It’s too busy picking its nose.

Old Phart